Men and woman are very different when it comes to sex, and I think if more women realized this, they would learn how to enjoy sex more than they already do. Men look at sex completely differently than women do–big surprise, right?–and it’s the differences that are important for a woman to understand in order to have the most incredible sex ever.
Taking an informal polling of about 10 different men, I will share the discoveries I learned from our “best sex ever focus group”:
Mistake #1 Women Make During Sex: Worrying About Appearance
Yes, it’s true that men are often visual creatures, much more so than woman, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty part of ‘doing the deed’, every single man in the focus group agreed he is not looking at what is jiggling. Okay, a few of them said some things they liked to jiggle, but then, those are things on a woman that are supposed to jiggle.
The point is, men rarely are looking at your flaws during sex, if ever at all.
Things like stretch marks, a little jiggly belly, cellulite–you know, all the things we woman hate when we look in the mirror–men just don’t notice it and don’t really care about it during those moments.
In fact, all the men polled said that a woman who is overly concerned about her appearance during sex often can dampen the mood for the man too. Men don’t want a woman who is afraid to get her hair mussed or her makeup smeared and therefore she doesn’t move or participate so she can stay ‘gorgeous’. Men like a woman a little roughed up and sexy from the heat of the moment. Let your hair down and don’t be worried about your appearance during sex.
Mistake #2 Women Make During Sex: Not Taking Initiative
It doesn’t matter whether the initiative is actually initiating sex or whether it’s taking the lead now and again once sex has been initiated, men like for women to take the lead and initiate contact, intimacy and sex sometimes too. Think about it–doesn’t it feel good to you to know you are wanted and desired by him? Well, why would he be any different?
Men need to feel wanted and desired and desirable. Yes, even men like to feel they are sexy and to know their woman wants them and wants to be with them. If you are looking for the best sex ever, avoid being too timid during sex and take the initiative sometimes too.
Mistake #3 Women Make During Sex: Talking too Much
Conversation has its place, but no one, especially men, really wants to talk about the kids, grocery shopping, or what you did that day while doing the deed. Small talk ruins the mood, and unfortunately, most of the men in the focus group said a lot of women like to ‘chat’ during sex. Talking during sex should be reserved only for sex talk, dirty talk, and whispering sweet nothings.
Save the conversation for when you’re both upright and clothed. Yes, that means don’t try to initiate conversation in the ‘afterglow’ either. For the best sex ever, you want to keep conversation to a minimum before, during and immediately after sex.
While some of the best pillow talk for a couple can occur after sex, give it a few minutes to let you both enjoy the moment and share each other’s physical presence, without conversation. If the man feels like talking, he’ll let you know. Otherwise, curl up in his arms and enjoy the moment.
Mistake #4 Women Make During Sex: Not Telling Him What You Want
Most men truly would like to please their woman and give her the best sex ever, but no matter how experienced he might be, he doesn’t know your body and wants and needs. If you fake orgasm or pleasure and don’t provide him any guidance on how to improve sexual relations with you, you’ll spend your entire sex life together faking it. Men appreciate a little guidance now and then.
Now, this doesn’t mean you should say, “That was bad. You should do such and such next time.”
There’s no need to deflate his ego while giving him some guidance on what you like. Be subtle, but not so subtle he doesn’t pick up on the cues. If he’s doing something you like but isn’t hitting the right spot, move slightly so you’re repositioned or ask him to move a little to the left or the right, etc.
Keep in mind that conversations about sex don’t have to only take place during sex. It’s perfectly acceptable and sometimes even sexy to discuss sex outside of the bedroom and talk about likes and dislikes with your partner. Just be sure if you do this that you’re willing to listen to his likes and dislikes as well.
Mistake #5 Women Make During Sex: Thinking Men Always Want Sex
It’s a stereotype that men are always in the mood, always on, and always wanting sex. In fact, in most every relationship I’ve been in, my male partners couldn’t keep up with me! The point is, if you expect the stereotype to be true, and then your man isn’t in the mood one night, you’re going to be disappointed. It’s okay to be disappointed, but don’t take it personally. Remember, men, just like woman, can ‘have headaches’ too, and it’s almost never anything personally against you.
If you take this personally as though it’s a rejection of you, it can hurt and damage your future sexual encounters with your partner. All you have to do is remember that every person, male or female, has times when they just don’t want to have sex, and it hasn’t anything to do with their partner.
Avoid These Sex Mistakes
If you avoid these five most common sex mistakes that woman make, you and your partner will enjoy the best sex ever. Remember, a good, healthy sex life starts outside of the bedroom with communication, intimacy and a solid friendship as the foundation. Build on that, and you’re well on your way to the best sex ever!